Connect the Dots | "Matters of the Heart"

In more ways than one, this year has been the year of the heart (for me). From a very literal sense, where there were life-threatening scares not too long ago, to more metaphorical, abstract senses with which we associate the heart.

The year began quite badly, with the first three months ravaged by depression, a toxic relationship and a sense of being completely lost. This was accompanied by a short illness, which was caused by the emotional chaos. If I ever felt like just giving up, it was by the end of February.

Cutting ties and starting anew was extremely hard but it turned out to be the remedy to everything. What seemed like a 180 degree turn, within a month my life spun to something amazing and it just kept going. Performing with Manca Berlec on Radio Val 202 and several others radioes was an absolute thrill and a fantastic experience (I played guitar). I was also invited to join a cabaret act, Katzen Kabaret (also playing guitar), joining an amazing team of ridiculously talented people and being of part of something quite majestic.

Another thing, the most major one, I got a job as a graphic designer at ORYX Gaming, which proved to be (and still is) a fantastic job, with great people and an awesome environment.

All of this happened within two months.

What mostly healed a very sore heart were people. Friends, family. It surprised and still shocks me how much you can move forward by just opening up, allowing yourself to be vulnerable and admitting you feel lost. People are more helpful, generous and kind than I imagined. And I will be forever grateful for them.

Through all this, I dragged my heart along. A very, very heavy burden at times, a nuisance at others. The battle between knowing what is right and feeling it is, sometimes, oceans apart.

This has been the year of extreme highs and depressive lows. A bipolar year, if there’s ever been one. A frightening and exciting rollercoaster which gave no warning to what’s ahead. I just had to keep my head clear and drag the heart along and see what’s behind the goddamn corner.

2019, you’ve been quite a year.

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